• Jessie Southard

DATING IS SCIENTIFIC

Yep, you read that right. Dating is science. I know what you're probably thinking. You think I'm not a romantic or that I am taking the fun out of it. WRONG! Quite the opposite. Raise your hand if you "don't want to get your heart broken" or you "just date the wrong people?" I see you raising your hand. Now put your hand down. I'm here to help, hopefully. I went on 14 first dates in a 45 day span of time. Three of those dates made it to a second date. Two of those dates made it to a third date. Then there was one...I married that one. If you want to know HOW I made dating scientific and didn't get my heart broken while keeping my eyes on the prize (my husband), keep reading.


READ UP, BUTTERCUP.

Get educated. This was the BEST thing I did by a long shot. So, my best friend (here name is Fallon - I call her FT) came across the most brilliant audio book of all time when she started her dating quest. It's called Attached. I will link it HERE on her amazon page. It describes the different attachment styles that people have and who is compatible with who. I have a secure attachment style so I knew I was going to look for another person who had a secure attachment style. The book goes more in depth as to what to look for in order to determine someone's attachment style. This book didn't just help me with my dating life...it helped me with friendships and other relationships as well. This book is A MUST READ for EVERYONE in general. It truly makes you feel like you can sort through a pile of bullshit is .2 seconds.


Another book I recommend is the 5 Love Languages. I will link it HERE. You have to figure out what you do and don't like when it comes to a relationship. This book is what every single marriage counselor will suggest the second you walk in...why not be ahead of the game? For example, a love language is gifts. I don't do gifts very well. I get awkward and uncomfortable when it comes to opening gifts in front of others. It's just who I am! I know it's an odd personality trait. Knowing that made me look for someone with that same trait. Let's not make Christmas and birthdays more awkward than it needs to be.


There are plenty more books out there surrounding this topic...read them all. Kidding, but seriously...don't stop educating yourself. If you are armed with information you will be able to process the situations you are put into when it comes to dating. It all won't make sense but I promise there will be a small tid-bit of information you remember when homeboy starts throwing a fit over something you can't relate to. Educating yourself makes communication so much easier as well! Small talk becomes easier. Talking about important topics becomes easier. Trust me.


Another quick tip is to google questions to ask while dating! Go into your dates with a good idea of the topics you'd like to cover. This comes in handy if your date isn't a good talker but seems to have a kind personality. Some people just need a little bit of help in the communication department and that's okay!


FIRST DATE OUTFIT

This secret is pure gold. Let me explain. If you are a girl then you know you have been in the situation where you "have nothing to wear." Or worse, you get so overwhelmed with trying to find something to wear that you skip the event! I never wanted this to be me. I wanted to be able to say YES the second I was asked out. I also didn't want to put any mental energy towards thinking about what to wear or even trying to search for the outfit in my closet. I wanted to put my mental energy towards the questions I wanted to ask my date to get to know them on a deeper level, quicker. I was in no mood to waste my time, or his. Time is the most valuable currency we have. So, I had my first date outfit hanging in my closet. It was something I felt comfortable, confident and cute in, but also it was functional and not too revealing to where my date would get the wrong idea about my intensions. This outfit was also new. I bought it all brand new right down to the shoes I knew I would wear. Now THAT was a fun shopping trip! Ladies, when looking for a first date outfit make sure you dress in layers. I always wore a jacket that I knew I could take off in case I got too hot and what was underneath was still appropriate. The outfit didn't look unfinished without the jacket.


After my date I would take it off, wash it, then hang it back up in the same spot. Always ready to go! Trust me ladies, your date will not care about what you're wearing. He will care about your confidence and how you feel about yourself. That will speak to him much louder than any outfit could. Don't believe me? Go ask any man you've dated what you were wearing and then ask if you kissed that night and you tell me what detail he can recall. I'm right.


MAKE A LIST

The good, the bad, and the ugly...make a list! A good old fashioned pros and cons list. Dating is meant to TEACH YOU what you like and what you don't like. Dating is truly not a game of seeing how many times you can get your heart broken or your hopes up. You are learning what traits you find attractive and what turns you OFF! Write them down on paper. There is something so powerful about pen and paper. When you get to look at what you are looking for and what you're not you become so specific and scientific about what makes you happy. It's powerful. This is what I did. After every single date I wrote down what I liked about the date itself and the man I went on a date with. There were traits and moments I really liked and them traits and moments that wanted to make me run to the bathroom and never return back to the date. When you make a list you will quickly find out what is very important to you. Is it family, is it traveling, is it owning a home, is it humor, is it a having a free spirit? I will go over what I looked for on a date and what was on my list in a later blog.


So there it is. Three tips to making dating scientific. I know it all seems to be a little much but I loved knowing I had the power to make educated and informed decisions when it came to my love life.

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